Abstract
During medical school and residency, we are taught to always keep boundaries with our patients. I took this lesson to heart and considered my patients merely as "diseases" during training. As I transitioned into the role of an early career attending physician, I realized my lack of meaningful patient relationships, and the concomitant burnout that it had caused. I hence changed my perspective and started listening to patient stories. These stories give me a purpose and gratitude in medicine that I had never felt before. On the flip side, I also gained insight that these stories come with a cost. There is so much joy, but grief exists simultaneously. Bad outcomes and patient losses are more heartbreaking than ever before. In this essay I reflect upon my journey of finding a path to the humanistic side of medicine and highlight my struggle to find the balance between the joy of connecting to patients and the vulnerability to pain and loss that accompanies it.
